11 September 2007

The Countdown

In less than a week from now, I'll be returning to work. Goodbye parental leave. I'm undecided as to whether it is the thought of no longer being a full-time parent or that I'm starting a new job which is more anxiety inducing.

It's been seven months now with the kids. It took us a while to get into the groove of things, but now, there is a definite groove. There's a household rhythm which I'm about to upset. And, to a certain degree, it's my reticence to have to find a new groove that has me riled.

Turns out, I like being a full-time parent. I like being able to work in the garden, oversee household projects, cook great meals, and play with the kids. I like hearing about their days after school. I like the maddening homework we have every night. I like watching my kids grow into the people they're becoming.

I never got into the housework thing. Housework is too repetitive and not project-based enough. For the same reasons I'll never get into yoga, I'll never get into housework. Having all of that time to reflect and replay my day mentally gets me riled up and angry without an outlet for the anger. There's no resolution in yoga or housework, so why bother going there in the first place. At the end of the day, who cares.

A dirty house is a sign of one that's well lived in. I should make that slogan into a tshirt.

In my early university days, I always scoffed at those people who said it was challenging or impossible to have a career and a family, and to do both of those things well at the same time. Now, I'm not so sure.

A career and family are both demanding, require equal amount of attention, and need it all, always, and at the same time. When choosing between the two job offers, the deciding factor was family. I took the job that perhaps I was less interested in because I knew that a lack of all-consuming fascination would allow me to unchain myself from my desk and blackberry. It's a position that will be as taxing and challenging as I make it. I also liked that the environment was sold as being flexible to the needs of my family.

On Monday. Six days from now. I'm about to retire my housewifey role and morph back into professional career woman.

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